Conversational Narcissism

There are certain characteristics in a personality that are so subtle they cannot be clearly categorized. The other night I was complimented about a pasta side-dish I created earlier that day, and another person changed the subject to about how she makes pasta from scratch.

There is another individual who will absolutely always have to have the last say in EVERY EXCHANGE that happens in a group. There is nothing he doesn't know at least something about, and he will change the context of the discussion to something completely different in order to get eyes on himself.

At first I dismissed it, criticizing myself for making a big deal about it, but this kind of toxicity is insidious and I'm often left exhausted at the end of the day. It's so subtle I didn't know what to call it until I typed in the Google search box "taking over a conversation and making it about themselves". What popped up was "Conversational Narcissism."

• Art of Manliness: How to Avoid Conversational Narcissism (01/24/2020)
• Hack Spirit: Conversational narcissism: 5 signs and what you can do about it (09/11/2019)
• NBC News: How to tell if you're a 'conversational narcissist' (12/04/2017)
• term: "Shift Response" 
• Insider: Narcissists use a subtle conversation tactic to make everything about them, and you may not notice it until its driving you crazy (07/30/2019)

Who should you believe?

How do you trust what people tell you every day? It's easy. You only trust them if they believe in God because of course then it follows that they believe in Hell too, and if they lie to you they will suffer an eternity in a lake of fire. You should believe everyone who proclaims they have faith in their religion because there will always be some sort of punishment following any infraction or violation of their own rules. This is one of many things that religions around the world have in common, rules for behavior.

But what about science and academics? Those "intellectuals" who often proclaim Atheism, Agnosticism or some other form of not believing or having any faith? How would you know if they were telling you the truth about anything? Should you believe their "science?"

Science is grounded in the real world. First someone has to look at a situation and come up with a hypothesis about it. Then, to see if they can change the outcome or mitigate a problem caused by the situation, scientists will experiment with the variable factors within the situation until they come up with a solution. If the experiment fails, they document the outcome so that nobody repeats the failed experiment. (How many times have you prayed for something that still didn't go your way?)

If an experiment is a success, the scientists will publish the results for peer review. Their peers will recreate the experiment and based on the success of those experiments, the peer review will determine that the solution arrived at for the situation is the correct course of action.

If science is faked, it will be outed by the peers and exposed as a fraud and discredited.

Now back to the faithful. How many people do you know openly proclaim that they have faith, but don't really adhere to all of the rules of the faith to which they allegedly subscribe?

How many of them look like they're faking it? It's easy for people who don't really believe in God to say they do because they don't have the fear of going to Hell in their souls. How do you know who to believe?

Mass Media & Mental Health

I’m gradually drawing a hypothesis that mass media has normalized suspended cognitive development to such a degree that the media refers to sub- Concrete Operational cognitive development as a normal ideology in competition with Formal Operational cognitive development. Referring to these disparate levels of thinking as “conservative” and “progressive” and making “centrism” some kind of twisted version of common sense.

Various theories on Cognitive Development

While researching cognitive development, I began to notice that a vast number of adults seem to be operating at less than an adult cognitive capacity.
I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but as I read, more symptoms became clear.

• Lack of empathy for anyone outside of one’s own family and circle of friends.
• Unable to contemplate long-term or wider degree of effect their decisions have on people around them.
• Susceptible to logical fallacies, cognitive biases, weasel words, distortions of the truth, lies and deception. Gullible.
• Low situational and emotional awareness. Unwilling or incapable of at least trying to imagine the perspectives of other cultures or ideologies.
• Susceptible to creeping normality. Incapable of recognizing subtle warning signs that there is a growing threat to one’s way of life.
• Defers obsequiously to perceived authority without question. Extremely loyal and subservient, regardless of the consequences.
• Lives a dogmatic lifestyle. Incapable of adapting to change or to change one’s mind when presented new information, or to admit to being wrong.
• Selfish and opportunistic at the expense of other people and the environment.
• Ego-Syntonic: Despite the negative consequences, believes that one’s behavior is normal.
• Weak Self-Esteem: Narcissism, obsesses over one’s own social status compared to other people in order to feel better about one’s self. Bigotry, racism, sexism, and conspicuous consumption are factors.
• While driving, loathes other drivers merging into one’s lane in front of them despite proper signaling and distance. Sees driving on the street as some sort of competition. Tends to tailgate other drivers.

Zones of Interpersonal Interaction are often
regulated by cult leaders but mostly
conditioned internal authority managed
by your religious beliefs or Xenophobia.

• Xenophobic: Paranoid about strangers and active seekers of threats. Sees conspiracies in most situations involving people one does not know who are wealthier or more well-off or more powerful than one’s self, like the government.
• There is probably more...

The normalization of this behavior by the media can only be exposed through learning Critical Thinking Skills. Understanding the effects of weasel words, logical fallacies and cognitive biases. Spending more time out of your comfort zone getting to know people.

Examples:

• https://www.facebook.com/thehodgetwins/posts/3083998331681274
• https://twitter.com/search?q=klu%20klux%20karen&src=typeahead_click
• 
  

EGO-SYNTONIC: What is it?

There is another part of Narcissism which explains why Narcissists don't recognize that their behavior is having a negative impact on people around them: Ego-syntonicism, or ego-syntonicity.

• Wikipedia: Egosyntonic and egodystonic.
• Psychology Today: 7 Ways to Identify a Passive-Aggressive Narcissist.

Here are just a few ingredients:

• Low emotional awareness
• Lack of empathy, concern, compassion.
• Unable or unwilling to anticipate the needs of others
• Low situational awareness
• Lack of courtesy in public.
• Doesn't use the inside voice, inside.
• Ignores the turn signals of other vehicles while driving.
• Doesn't respect parking lot rules, like leaving enough space for other parked cars.
• Interrupts the activity of others
• Inability to understand abstract concepts



How This Remote Island Became Home To Millions Of Pieces Of Trash

• Sacrifices trust by talking about other people behind their backs, but doesn't realize the damage to one's own reputation as a gossiper.
• Unable to realize the long-term consequences of one's own choices, like using plastic.
• Egocentrism
• Selfish. Takes everything personally. Believes the world revolves around oneself.
• Assumes that people are being rude when they are really only having a bad day.
• External Locus of Control
• Believes that one's own situation is caused by other people. Comes to hate or resent other people.
• Unable to manage or take responsibility for one's own emotions. Believes that other people or situations makes one angry.
• Xenophobia
• Fear of strangers, different ethnicity, different races.
• Dogmatism 
• Defers decisions to the edicts of perceived authority figures.
• Does not question authority.
• Lives by a set of rules laid down in ancient times that are now of no consequence due to scientific advances and learning.

Creeping Normality

Through years of watching the spectacle of bad behavior on television and now social media, this sort of behavior, like gossiping or narcissistic behavior has become normalized, even glorified.